(JESSE on the BRINK) Rotto Swim… and quokka selfie!

 

by Jesse Archer

I jumped at the opportunity to join three girlfriends for a relay ocean swim from Perth to Rottnest Island. The Rottnest Channel Swim is 20+ kms across notoriously shark-infested waters... to the island home of the adorable marsupial, the quokka.

(SketchShe) 'U Can't Touch This!'

80s hip hop, hammer pants and hype feet...

The next SketchShe lip sync is HERE and cheekier than ever! HAMMERTIME!

Note: No golfers were harmed in the making of this video.

Shae-Lee, Lana and Madison - female comedy trio! Brazen, bold and audacious bringing you a mixed bag of characters and chaos!

(SKETCHshe) Present Day Princesses!

A modern day interpretation of some of our most beloved princesses. What would life be like for Belle, Alice and Aurora if their stories were set in 2015? Certainly no fairytales here!

SketchShe: Australian female comedy trio bringing you a cheeky and brazen mixed bag of characters and chaos!

(SketchShe) Bohemian Carsody!

 

Bohemian Carsody: Road trip rock out. (Warning: may contain head banging, boob grabbing and heartfelt emotion.)

(JESSE on the BRINK) The World's Last Pen Pals!

by Jesse Archer

In 1988, I wrote to the Australian consulate fishing for a pen pal. I was in love with marsupials, and I also hated my life and constantly thought of far-flung lands, far away from the war zone of Fowler Junior High. I received my very first letter from Merryn in March of that same year, and we wrote furiously back and forth across the Pacific, sometimes every single day. I couldn't wait to race home after school because opening the mailbox to find her letters was the highlight of my day.

Reading about life on a 2,580-acre sheep farm in Armidale, NSW gave me a glimpse outside the hell I was living and allowed me to imagine I might one day escape. She wrote about riding horses past roos, gum trees and noisy galahs, and always how Presbyterian Ladies College was screwing her up. She'd nobly try to convince me that working at McDonalds was not uncool in Oz, or that I shouldn't commit suicide but wait and do it later because just think how much worse life will be at like age 24. We'd sign our letters "friends forever" and I'd receive awesome mix tapes with songs by stars no American had heard of: Johnny Diesel, Jason Donovan, Bros, Kylie Mole and Minogue…

(Jesse on the Brink) Aussie Summer!

by Jesse Archer

What's the best thing to do when a blizzard's not bearing down? Summer! Had a most magnificent weekend away with friends that first included a trip through the Royal National Park just south of Sydney. Inside is a beach, Watamola (I can only remember this Aboriginal word because it sounds like Guatemala with no G), that's on the ocean but has a lagoon on one side with cliff-jumping rocks!

(JESSE on the BRINK) Fresh Fruits!

by Jesse Archer

Arrrghhh, been a struggle to get into the new year. I might have overdone it at the totally amazing Tropical Fruits Festival up in rural Lismore, NSW, where Mardi Gras meets the State Fair! There were so many of our group camping together on the showgrounds it was almost a compound - with various glamping frills including luxurious blow up pools. 

It was a high concept party theme this year: Art Deco Dance. Jazz Age, but without the prohibition! Lots of Gatsby, flappers and after an agonising few months of deliberation, it was decided that we would go as an army of slutty Charlie Chaplins. Hats off to Denton for coming up with the costume. The worst part about it was having to be silent.

(JESSE on the BRINK) A Big Birthday. I survived!

by Jesse Archer

Living the philosophy "here for a good time, not a long time", I have to acknowledge that turning 40 is more miracle than milestone. And somehow I have managed to outlive the world's most important poets. Jesus. Rimbaud. And this year, the great Anna Nicole Smith.

Thankfully tons of friends were on hand to celebrate, and we won't stop for at least another few months. First up, I always wanted to do laser tag since I was a kid.

Laser Fag!

(JESSE on the BRINK) Can You Joke About AIDS?

by Jesse Archer

That's the topic of my latest essay for this month's OUT Magazine, which you can read here. I lost a few 'friends' after asking for AIDS jokes online and also in my research I found some seriously sick humor coming from those right at the center of the epidemic. As I get older, I find my writing is less strident, which hopefully doesn't mean less persuasive, but by the end of the piece I don't really want readers to know where I stand on making AIDS jokes (but of course you know where I stand).

Illo by Edel Rodriguez

(JESSE on the BRINK) You Buy DNA Magazine for the Articles, Right?

by Jesse Archer

It's more than meets the eye in DNA Magazine Australia this month! In researching the life of Russian composer Pyotr Tchaikovsky, I discovered that his untimely death by "cholera" is, actually, a chilling whodunit – with the victim himself a prime suspect.

I wrote that feature, followed by an interview with groundbreaking Swan Lake choreographer Matthew Bourne and a roundup of the world's best strip joints, er, nude beaches. There are also amazing reads on our electroshocking past, the transgressive word police, Australia vs Marriage Equality by Nicholas Fonseca, gorgeous Tasmania by Marc Andrews and then, you know, just to rest your eyes, ogle cover god Todd Sanfield for first time in the Virgins, shot by Kevin McDermott.
 

 

(JESSE on the BRINK) Weekend Tripping!

by Jesse Archer

And now for something a little bit different.. because how many firsts do I have left? On Saturday, Australian Rules Football... Sydney Swans vs Port Adelaide at the cricket grounds. There is something creepy in the mighty roar of a crowd. Bloodthirsty. Reminds me always of rooting for the lions to kill the Christians.

But then you have a couple drinks and kind of get into it. Especially when the outfits are attractive and sporty and not all padded up like an armored knight as in American football. They also don't have lots of whistles and time outs. If they fumble, they're not allowed to actually hold onto the ball. If they do, the whole bloodthirsty crowd starts chanting "Baaaaallll". And anytime they pass it, they don't throw it. They sort of pop it, like you'd serve a volleyball.

(Jesse on the BRINK) Eurovision 2014 #unstoppable!

by Jesse Archer

Wind machines, raised platforms, shameless key changes, Latvian cake bakers, removable hair pieces, 360-degree pianos, human hamster wheels. Eurovision will put you in a gay coma. As with the World Cup, Eurovision is disturbingly huge the world over – but virtually unknown in the USA.

Baltic nations and even Russia are allowed to compete and this year's biggest controversy surrounded the Austrian entry, a bearded drag queen named Conchita Wurst, alter-ego of Thomas Neuwirth, who sang a James Bond style power ballad, "Rise Like A Phoenix", looking pretty as a champagne flute.
For some reason, this look is violently confronting - especially to Russia, who took time out on their invasion of Ukraine to declare war on Eurovision's degeneracy, crying for bans and President Putin threatening to secede from the contest.

(JESSE on the BRINK) Safety First!

by Jesse Archer

Just TRY drowning!! Or stepping on a blue-ringed octopus, or swimming outside the flags... because guess who's North Bondi's newest lifeguard!!??

After months of training on CPR, First Aid, boards plus loads of Run-swim-runs and signals, I finally got my certificate and join the rest of my amazing squad of Bronze Medallion lifesavers! Huge thanks to our incredible and incredibly patient trainers Drew, Jodie, Rhys and Rhys! Season is over, but I start patrolling next summer... Is your faith restored in the safety of Sydney's beaches?

ceremony inside the clubhouse. Those windows look like paintings!

(JESSE on the BRINK) Just another Saturday in Sydney!

by Jesse Archer

The day started off normally enough. We took our friends Noah and Leo to see the movie Frozen. 

But that evening my straight, lifesaving friend Rhys decided to have a drag celebration for his 30th birthday at the Burdekin. We also had tickets with friends to see a tango concert at Sydney Town Hall that same night. And wouldn't you know – it took so long getting ready that we weren't going to have to change outfits. So this is how we rocked up to Town Hall.

The bevel pose is to die for, no? Such a lady! Simon was none too happy that this kind of exposure was going to happen in front of a discerning live audience and felt all sorts of pressure but somehow, SIMONE got right into it and didn't mind at all!

(Marriage News Watch) Next Steps After Australian Setback!

We have a major setback this week in Australia, but there's still a glimmer of hope. Marriage equality hearings are coming up in two unlikely states: Arkansas and Texas. An Oregon ballot measure passes a major hurdle, and organizers launch a new public outreach campaign on the east coast.

(Jesse on the Brink) Holiday Hunks!

by Jesse Archer

Have you seen Stranger By The Lake? It's a French drama that won the Queer Palm at Cannes...

It's set at a summertime lakeshore gay cruising area where men sunbathe nude and cruise in the nearby foliage.

(JESSE on the BRINK) Game Changers!

by Jesse Archer

 

Finished the Blackmores Half-Marathon Saturday. Gorgeous day racing across the stunning Harbour Bridge and finishing at the iconic Opera House. I came in at 1:27 (158 of 7500), and that includes an unprecedented (but 911 emergency) port-a-john pit stop at around the 12k mark! Not at my peak, but I was happy to have achieved my personal goal to beat anyone wearing headphones, an artillery belt, compression socks or those hideous primate shoes with toes.

 

For some reason, the half-marathon began before the full, which meant getting up at 4:30 and across the harbour for a 6:15 am start. And the spectacular scenery was dulled by the dull (and deadly quiet) streets of the CBD and its raked overpasses... but just look at this finish!

(JESSE on the BRINK) TWELVE Year Pessimist!

by Jesse Archer

Twelve years ago, I was making breakfast in the Lower East Side when I heard a massive crash that sounded like thunder. I looked out the window and saw only a clear blue Tuesday morning, unaware everything had changed.

Am I a pessimist if every year on 9/11, I think of this inspirational quote? "Never doubt a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."

(JESSE on the BRINK) The Good with the Bad!

by Jesse Archer

Pop Princesses. The rah rah rivalry over Katy Perry's ROAM and Lady Gaga's APPLAUSE has reached sharknado proportions. I just want to give them both a nice melatonin-infused chai tea, wash off the grease paint, read a bedtime story, pat their heads and put them to bed. Then their nightmares begin: Beyonce reclaims the mantle of planet pop as they sleep with yet another formula guaranteed hit.

Batman. Fucking hell. An entire news cycle on the casting of Ben Affleck as the next Batman? How many Batmans do we have to deal with? Is there another superhero, preferably one who knows how to have a good time? Now he's being paired with Superman, who is just as prolific and tiresome. With three hours of exposition that was all backstory, I should have read the book. Henry Cavill's dreary,  deadly serious Superman had all the thrills of a prolapsed anus.

Lisa Bonet. I might watch Batman if he were Jason Mamoa aka Kahl Drogo from Game Of Thrones in his own superhero suit. Why does Lisa Bonet need to rest? The reason you have not seen hide nor hair from Lisa Bonet since that Cosby Show spinoff is because she's been working overtime laying (claim to) the finest men on the planet. I wouldn't even say she was the most attractive Huxtable (maybe Vanessa, or even mother Claire) but Lisa Bonet and her charms (twerking?) landed both Mamoa and Lenny Kravitz – whereupon she quickly punctuated her success by having their babies. She may be greedy, but the girl has taste.

(JESSE on the BRINK) Winking IT!

by Jesse Archer

My boss was sick and kindly offered me his tickets to the Helpmann Awards, honoring achievement in live art entertainment - sort of an Australian version of the Tony's. I hadn't seen any of the stage shows, but following the Sydney imperative: take any chance you get to go to visit the Opera House or harbour beaches, I went with Gerald. We saw and heard from Tina Arena, Baz Luhrmann and a bunch of people that were of great interest to a bunch of people in the know.