Wind machines, raised platforms, shameless key changes, Latvian cake bakers, removable hair pieces, 360-degree pianos, human hamster wheels. Eurovision will put you in a gay coma. As with the World Cup, Eurovision is disturbingly huge the world over – but virtually unknown in the USA.
Baltic nations and even Russia are allowed to compete and this year's biggest controversy surrounded the Austrian entry, a bearded drag queen named Conchita Wurst, alter-ego of Thomas Neuwirth, who sang a James Bond style power ballad, "Rise Like A Phoenix", looking pretty as a champagne flute.
For some reason, this look is violently confronting - especially to Russia, who took time out on their invasion of Ukraine to declare war on Eurovision's degeneracy, crying for bans and President Putin threatening to secede from the contest.
Now just calm down Russia, if a bearded dude in a dress spelled the end of civilization, we wouldn't have survived Rasputin:
But back to Eurovision, which explicitly states it is not, repeat NOT political. In this case, of course, no means yes. Because each time Russia's entry, two teenage twin girls, performed or received votes, the audience in Copenhagen loudly booed. I felt bad at first, these two pretty girls singing a pretty good (and by good, I do mean camp as a row of tents) song featuring conjoined ponytails, light sabers, a teeter totter and massive wind machine action. Just... watch and marvel.
Their lyrics were all about showing the world love, too, so likely they don't support Russia's firm stand against human rights, but at the end of the day if these girls are representing their nation (and by extension its agenda) at an international event - they're caught in the crossfire.
And I guess it wasn't political that Ukraine gave their 12 points all to the fearsome Conchita Wurst, either. In fact, a lot of countries voted that way and the controversial bearded lady ended up not just winning, but winning by one of the largest margins in the contest's history, dating back to the 1950s. The song is actually really good, so if you're easily freaked out just close your eyes and listen to this anthem, shades of Shirley Bassey and all...
Upon winning, when asked if she had any words, she said "This is dedicated to everyone who believes in a future of peace and freedom. You know who you are. We are unity and we are unstoppable."
Perhaps the most surprising thing of all? The following day, "Rise Like A Phoenix" went to #1... in Russia.
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