(EDDIE's TAKE) RPDR Season 5 - Episode 9!

by Eddie Walker

In this week’s episode, RuPaul said, “There is nothing sadder than the tears of a drag queen.” But I beg to differ. I can think of one thing that’s sadder, and that’s watching one of your top three picks sashay away. I almost wept when they gave my girl her walking papers, but it was the right decision. I’ll get to which girl it was in a minute.

Episode 9 of RuPaul’s Drag Race - Season 5, titled “Drama Queens” had the girls test out their acting skills. For the mini-challenge, the girls had to compete in “The Crying Game”, where the girls had cry on cue for some made-up reason. The two girls with the most heart-felt cry would be named the winners. RuPaul named Alyssa Edwards a winner, along with Detox. Detox cried the most authentic tears, which she pulled off by remembering when she found her lover dead from a drug overdose two years earlier.

As the winners of the mini-challenge, Detox and Alyssa Edwards were made team captains and had to pick teams to compete in the main challenge. Detox got the girl group, “Ro-Laska-Tox” back together, leaving Jinkx Monsoon and Coco Montrese to join Team Alyssa.

For the main-challenge, each team had to act out a scene in a Latin telenovela-styled TV show starring heart-throb, Wilmer Valderrama. Neither group gave a commendable performance as a whole. However, each group had one girl that just stole the show. Those girls are Alaska and Jinkx Monsoon.


I know I’ve critiqued Alaska pretty hard early on in the competition (and I’m still going to check her on her runway look this week). That being said, I must admit that she has shown performance skills that I thought were nonexistent in her. I think she was just nervous in the beginning, but she’s not nervous no more. I absolutely loved watching her play the matriarch for the main-challenge. If it wasn’t for Alaska, the entire scene would have fell flat. Roxxy and Detox really weren’t all that bad, and that’s only because the other team was that bad.

Regarding Team Alyssa, all I can say is ‘no es bueno, no es bueno’, with the exception of my Seattle-homegirl, Jinkx Monsoon. She let us have it. To start with, Jinkx came out in in a look I’ve never saw her use this season. Instead of her usual camp, Jinkx came out looking like a really sexy-siren Latina. It was easily the best look of all the girls. Her performance was even better than her look. She was the only one that had me laughing out loud. Jinkx gave us a simulated orgasm that would put Meg Ryan’s ‘When Harry Met Sally’ orgasm to shame. If you want to learn how to fake it, Jinkx’s orgasm is a definite must-see. As for Alyssa and Coco, they just don’t have a screen presence. Thank God, Jinkx was able to carry the whole scene solo.

For the runway challenge, the girls had to wear their best Latina-glamour look. I’m going to start with Jinkx Monsoon’s look, just because I still can’t believe what that girl had the nerve to come out in. Jinkx threw everybody off (including myself), when she came out wearing traditional ‘Day of the Dead’ fashion and makeup. Roxxy Andrews had a more contemporary, and more fashionable look than Jinkx wearing a red top and red high-slitted skirt pulled together with a black leather corset. But Jinkx Monsoon’s look was by far the most interesting of the two. For that and for her stellar performance in the telenovela, RuPaul named Jinkx Monsoon the winner of this week’s main challenge. This is her second main-challenge win, making her the only girl so far, to win more than one main challenge. You go girl.

Coco Montrese had the third best runway look, wearing a cantaloupe-colored jumpsuit with billowing cuffs, and floral accents on the shoulder. Alaska and Detox tied for second to worst runway look. Alaska wore this cheap-looking, red prom dress, while Detox came out in a pink and purple, tailored, mariachi-styled, pants-suit. Neither look is ‘glamorous’ in any way, shape, or form. Alyssa Edwards ended up having the worst runway look of them all. It looked like something she made from the dumpster challenge in the first episode. The dress was a hodgepodge of different elements that just didn’t go together. Alyssa definitely needs her ass whooped for coming out in such a garment. How dare she.

For that disaster on the runway, Alyssa Edwards was put up for elimination, along with Coco Montrese.

They had to ‘lip-sync for their life’ to “Cold-Hearted” by Paula Abdul. At the end, Coco got to stay, and my girl Alyssa had to sashay away.

Now that Alyssa is gone, I have to replace her in my top three. And it is my prediction that it will be Jinkx

Monsoon who will end up in the top three with Detox and Roxxy Andrews. At this point, I still can’t call who will be America’s Next Drag Super Star, but trust, I will stay tuned in and let you know how it all turns out.