Wind machines, raised platforms, shameless key changes, Latvian cake bakers, removable hair pieces, 360-degree pianos, human hamster wheels. Eurovision will put you in a gay coma. As with the World Cup, Eurovision is disturbingly huge the world over – but virtually unknown in the USA.
Baltic nations and even Russia are allowed to compete and this year's biggest controversy surrounded the Austrian entry, a bearded drag queen named Conchita Wurst, alter-ego of Thomas Neuwirth, who sang a James Bond style power ballad, "Rise Like A Phoenix", looking pretty as a champagne flute.
For some reason, this look is violently confronting - especially to Russia, who took time out on their invasion of Ukraine to declare war on Eurovision's degeneracy, crying for bans and President Putin threatening to secede from the contest.
