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Wednesday, September 10, 2014

(JESSE on the BRINK) Atlantis Cruise - Mediterranean: the parties! Plus, Goodnight, Joan!

by Jesse Archer

I was a little concerned about doing an Atlantis Cruise, thought I might feel trapped or something -- imagine! Despite a hideous cruise director, Malcolm, it was all very duck to water fabulous. Everything here is catered to the audience: from the entertainers to the parties, even walking to your room - no Burt Bacharach playing this week; now it's Kylie Minogue. And the Celebrity Equinox staff were loving this charter. They usually deal with fat families and geriatrics and now they're staying up all night dancing and taking lots of "you will never believe this" photos. Bam took a tour of the ship, and they told him the gay cruise eats less but drinks FOUR times as much as straight ones -- in fact, the ship doesn't have enough space to store all the booze.

So here's where all that booze went! A few weeks before sailing, they send a list of theme parties - and everyone goes all out in the dress up department. Nothing like being dressed up and dancing with all your friends as you sail across the Mediterranean.

Of course we ended in the pool. Anita caught pneumonia before the trip was through -- apparently pnuemonia is also known as excessive partying.

Anita brought a gaggle of friends from NYC who are Broadway and American Ballet Theatre dancers. We called them the "joy boys" and they were very popular!

Wayne's luggage was lost by Lufthansa --- and all his hand luggage was nothing but costumes. He had no boy clothes at all, just the one outfit he flew in - but he at least had his wig and cha-cha heels!! 

His luggage caught up with us in Sicily, but Lufthansa was giving him a per day clothing allowance, so let's just say he was running in the opposite direction of his suitcase.

IMAGINE-NATION party. We were supposed to come up with creative costumes from our native countries. So we dressed up in our galaxy tights and teenybopper headbands. Out of this world, naturally.

The white party. Anita tried to talk us all into white tutus. Cool dan had a better idea: use the towels from our room and save space in our luggage! So we strapped locker keys to our arms and went as sauna boys.
Anita poses in sixth position: ballet with a beer.

We raced down to the front and she came out into the audience, singing "nobody's supposed to be here" but there we were. And who wore it better? Simone and Deborah in matching sequin frocks!

The show left some bitches unmoved: 

The pool deck was the scene of ongoing crimes against nature.

So after all these parties and late nights, just imagine first thing in the morning: "welcome to Naples!" and it's not like you're going to take a Tylenol, sleep some more and then have a light breakfast. Oh no, it's off to Naples. Ten days of that.. and this:
She has one eye looking at ya, one eye lookin for ya.
well the partied continued for SOME of us. It was the night Betty Crocker died.
The Wet Party - staff got really into hosing, dousing and spraying the crowds. Cool dan had a waterproof camera, thankfully!

against regulation: improper use of lifesaving uniform.

SO....... Joan Rivers died doing what she loved - having an operation.
Too soon? Not to the memory of the trailblazer who laughed at everything, first of all herself.

I confess to having been on vigil ever since I heard about her medical emergency hoping she would pull through because she is a survivor and she just wasn't done yet. Joan Rivers has been on TV since I can remember, and her presence and biting wit said it was okay to be a misfit - and fuck em if they can't take a joke.

I wasn't alone - my internet feeds have exploded with tributes and personal anecdotes and stories from friends about the wicked queen of insult comedy's kindheartedness and often silent philanthropy. The gay world is in mourning for our naughty no-holds-barred grandma.

Yes, Joan Rivers is gone but so much of her remains with us... and if it's true that she's donated her body to Tupperware, I can still take her to lunch!

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