ISSUES: GLAAD’s Jarrett Barrios writes about his divorce

As president of the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation for the past year, Jarrett Barrios has regularly spoken out about same-sex marriage.

What the public didn’t know was that his marriage to communications consultant and Democratic political operative Doug Hattaway was ending.

He wrote about their split in a column for the Boston Globe. Here are some excerpts:
Nearly a year ago, I separated from my partner. At the time, we had been together for 16 years and married for over five. I felt I couldn’t discuss it beyond my close circle of friends. Especially if you’re gay and arguing that marriage should be open to you, divorce seems to be the ultimate failure.

Today, in five states, gay and lesbian couples can marry. That means we have the ability to grow together — and, for some of us, to grow apart.

As one of the first elected officials in the country to marry his same-sex partner. In part because there were so many naysayers, we worked to be a model couple — with each of us trying be the perfect husband. Like other lesbian and gay couples, we hoped to show our relationships for what they are: loving partnerships that deserve the possibility of “happily ever after” that marriage promises.

But as our families continue the march towards equality, the gay and lesbian community often doesn’t talk about divorce, even though some of the most important protections associated with marriage are exercised at the end of a relationship — protections that help the more economically vulnerable partner, give a formula for sharing the care of the children, and establish how two people can disentangle a life’s worth of acquisitions, compromises, and dreams.

Just as gay and lesbian couples share the joys of marriage, we will share the pain of divorce, something for which we have no template.