MY VIEW: Solutions to Move PAST the Gay Marriage Issue!

The following was a letter that was printed in the San Diego Gay Times (Jan. 21st, 2010), but I strongly share in the ideas, Reasons and solutions of how to move forward.

By Mark St. John Ph.D

It’s time, past time, really, to rethink our community’s approach to gay marriage. I think everyone in our community agrees that equal rights are essential and that marriage is one of those rights. Further, I think most all of us believe that there is power in words and symbols, and that the word “marriage” when denied, symbolizes our second class status, while that word when applied, demonstrates our acceptance. Especially for our youth, the symbol of the word, whether denied or applied, sends a powerful message.

But it’s just not working out all that well. The battles have mostly turned against us, and I believe we feel worse. Yes, we are standing up for ourselves, but we keep getting knocked down. And there is another way: domestic partnerships. True, it’s a different word, and the symbology of equality is lost, but it has a tremendous practical value. The problem with symbols is they leave no room for compromise, no room for differences of viewpoint, however mistaken we believe some views to be.

Pundits remark that no plebiscite has ever voted in gay marriage and that the most common path to gay marriage has been state constitutional legal rulings. But consider the great state of California. In California, the elected body of legislators have voted a domestic partnership law so strong that it equals marriage in every way but name. What a tremendous benefit that is to our community, from hospital visitations to property rights. We are equal under the law. The legislature was not forced by the courts to provide these benefits. They voted it in, strengthening it over time, and it was signed into law by both Democratic and Republican governors. That’s something. It’s more than something. It’s tremendous.

And there’s another benefit. It separates the government from religion. It is a purely secular process and status. Many of us think that is a good thing. Perhaps states should only grant domestic partnerships and leave marriage to religions entirely. Many of us think that would be a good thing, too. Domestic partnerships are a story of success and they fit our country’s high aim to separate church from state.

So what would the United States be like if there were 50 states with strong, complete domestic partnership laws? We would have all the same rights, benefits, and responsibilities. We just wouldn’t have the word. But we would have another word. I have a partner. I like that. It sets me apart. It makes me special, and yet equal, too.

I say we focus on domestic partnership laws. Better yet, I vote we focus on domestic partnership laws.